If Life is a Tightrope, Are You Feeling Off-Balance?
I am not stating anything original when I say that Americans usually have too much to do, and not enough time to do it. It’s a struggle for me to balance the contents of my life. So I use a calender, and load it up with work, errands, time with my wife, writing time, family time, some time with my friends, plus celebrations and special occasions and hopefully a little time for myself, either to relax or to read and reflect. I know reflecting sounds a little pretentious, but I am pretty amazed as I grow older by how many days can pass between moments when I really hear myself and work through those thoughts. I’m not talking about the usual day-to-day, which has us saluting Responsibility as we finish tasks, answer challenges and remember to pick up some mayonnaise on the way home.Â
When it comes to life’s tasks, I might pull off a hat trick and get it all done, but often a feeling of fatigue or claustrophobia comes with the commotion. Or things start to feel too selfish, because I’ve elbowed out any opportunity for spontaneity (or the chance to help someone) in favor of the more “important” duties. If this pattern continues, the burn-out phase happens just a couple of months down the road. This is the part where I act like a gargoyle and refuse to change out of my track pants.
I am too good at being busy, and once the calendar clears, I might even create stuff to do just to stay moving. But I’m working on changing that, and am praying for God’s help because I have a hyper-drive that needs to be governed a little more closely.
Some weeks I’ll go into “lazy” mode for a bit (which just means I pause from doing anything creative, but keep up on with my other responsibilities) and that usually helps. The truth is, I enjoy (or at least see the need for) the things that I do; it’s the juggling, and the cumulative weight that becomes a frustration.
Different people have varying limits; some can accommodate a bigger load and for a longer span of time, while others know to stay diligent with their quiet, smaller routine.
My question is this- what throws you off-balance? Is there something in your schedule that tends to consume you and if so, how do you deal with it? How do you manage your stuffed schedule? What do you do to give yourself a break when it’s time? And lastly- how do you re-enter your routine after that brief sabbatical? I am really looking forward to your comments and if you have it- advice.
My hope is that this never becomes a continual reality for any of us:
“He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”- Douglas Adams
Friday, May 23, 2008 at 11:00 pm
oh my goodness, i wish i had advice for you, cuz i’d be taking it. balance is one big mean biyatch sometimes. i think the only reason i’m not a total workaholic is because of the kiddos…oh yeah, and the realization that the last fight my daughter and I had was over vacuuming….and not that I had to do it, but that she had to NOT do it, because it was bedtime and thus could wait. When you see your children being consumed in the same OCD fashion as you, it is like a slap of cold water on the face. I’ve slowly come to realize that when the kids start to outrun you at your own game, it’s time to slow down and teach them how to learn to walk a bit. Which means, of course, I have to set my own example, otherwise I become the Dread Pirate Do As I Say Not As I Do. *sigh* Yeah, balance is one big mean biyatch.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Hey, good point- learning to balance as best as possible before our kids pick up the stress habits. I like your perspective on it.
-ian
Friday, May 30, 2008 at 5:45 pm
It is very refreshing to know that I am not the only one who feels that life is a constant rush. Between commuting, work, family events, friends, cooking and cleaning, I feel like I (and sometimes my husband) get completely lost in the shuffle. However recently I received a wake up call. Nothing dramatic, I just realized the other day that I live 2 blocks from a lake, a lake that I look at out my windows every day. I have never stepped foot in this lake. I live within 5 minutes of 7 lakes, and yet I sit at home and scrub baseboards so they will be spotless when the housecleaning police stop by unannounced. We have 2 dogs and multiple trails by our house that I never take them to, however I can assure you that the closets in my house are organized by shirt type and color and the drawers are magazine perfect with all the socks pointed the same direction, but for what reason? I have never won an organized closet award, no one has ever come over and said “Are your closets color coordinated?”. So I sat down one day and realized that I have GOT to let some things go. So I tried having some of the socks point the other direction, and some of the shirts sit on the dryer for a few days…AND the baseboards got a little dusty, but life still went on. And in that time I had gone and spent the day on the lake with my husband. We had a great time. The dogs got to swim, and life actually didn’t feel like one big chore. So I have decided to clean when I can, work when I have to and try to enjoy living life. I figure that as long as the diet Coke does not kill me (my Grandma calls me frequently to tell me it will) I have a lot of years left and I don’t want to feel like the biggest excitement I had was hoping I didn’t get caught breaking the law by trying to type “to do” lists into my phone while driving.
This will be a constant struggle, and I’m sure a “to do” list will be typed again, but I am hoping that I can learn not to stay awake nights worrying that I have achieved perfection that day. I will be trying to let it go.
Monday, June 2, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Rad post. I too can be obsessive- for awhile there, I was turning Lauren’s bottles in the shower around, and her vitamin bottles in the kitchen cabinet- so that the labels were facing out. How insane is that!?! (She’ll learn about that for the first time if she reads this, and promptly fire off a “dude, babe!” ) Some stuff just doesn’t matter like you said, and some people have that all sorted out (bad pun), and others like me have to work to remember. A spouse is a good way to learn about letting go of control, at least for me. Same with my daughter. Both are good at challenging me unintentionally because they go about things with a totally different perspective. I’m actually really grateful for that because without them I’d be completely stubborn and rigid.
Back to scheduling- I felt like there was time for everything when I was younger. Maybe I did less or maybe I played more. But there just isn’t time for it all. I think the more vibrant people must know when to say no- even to things that are minor pleasures or people who demand too much of their time. Somehow I think it’s shoving lesser wants or expectations aside but then also being lax and casual and able to help.
The other thing I notice is- the more I deny what I assume to be essential and instead do something for someone else, the greater freedom and productivity I feel in the rest of my time. Part of my problem is being too focused on myself, and on a hollow pursuit of success or image and what I deem necessary to attain that. I’m always reminded of this verse in those instances: “Whoever tries to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will preserve it.” That’s a difficult mentality for me to embrace on a daily basis.
I’m going to end up writing more about this over time. It’s a friggen constant issue with a zillion facets to it.
-ian