by Ian Ebright
The topic of mysticism has been on my mind lately, and it’s begging for my attention at odd times. Very recently, I found myself thinking about it while being surrounded by a bunch of people as they worshiped and praised God. Some of them even had their hands in the air, but it didn’t feel staged or sensational like those cable TV praise-a-thons.
As they continued to sing during the church service, there I was- standing silently, and trying to hold an earnest look on my face. I was probably the most insincere person in the whole room. My belief was in place, but I was too afraid to show it. That bothers me.
I am so creeped out by the idea of being swept off my feet, and of being self-righteous, that I completely close the door on public worship (in church) along with any resulting connection to God through that avenue. I believe in Jesus Christ and all that is included, but I’m stuck thinking about looking too nutty.
As for the people around me, I just don’t think they were trying to manufacture a spiritual moment. I’m no judge of the heart of course, but sensationalism and sincerity are often very discernible.
Some of those people may have been experiencing a mystical connection through their worship. If I could somehow interview those who were worshiping with authenticity, they’d likely correct my implication that they were doing so just to achieve a selfish high or some Godly feedback. I am willing to bet that authentic worship functions as a selfless act and is accomplished out of love, with the participant’s mind on God and not on themselves. These people might rightly say that this brand of praise has nothing to do with what they receive, and all to do with what is given. If a mystical event happens to occur along the way, I’m sure that it’s purely incidental for those genuine believers.
It’s taken me awhile to walk around in this topic, and one conclusion that I’ve come to is that we should be careful of anything that seeks first a personal gain but calls itself faith or enlightenment. If it’s always “well now I feel better” after church or prayer or meditation, then why not just trade that in for one of earth’s more tangible pleasures? Why then bother with the vague and unknown when there are plenty of other fixes within reach?
As noted in my previous post, I caution against those swelling moments of mass seduction that happen in churches of grand design, where the organ and the choir are so momentous that they can easily be a substitute for thoughtful praise. Again, this is not a wholesale discouragement of worship, community or unique and personal moments of spiritual transcendence that stem from either, but it’s directed as discouragement towards those things as the end and not the means.
There seems to be one other way to scrutinize the validity of these elevated episodes in addition to challenging the motive. Instead of questioning the ascent or the rapture of it all, we might as well trust the experience as “real” in that it happened, at least for us. As for the better way to answer “is this useful or just an empty trip,” I offer the following from C. S. Lewis:
“I shouldn’t be at all disturbed if it could be shown that a diabolical mysticism, or drugs, produced experiences indistinguishable (by introspection) from those of the great Christian mystics. Departures are all alike; it is the landfall that crowns the voyage.”
So the question of greatest value is: “where do we end up?” Where does the landing put us? Do we emerge on the other end of a mystical moment with a superficial sense of righteousness or superiority? Do these encounters leave us confused or disoriented, or possibly second-guessing our core beliefs? Or do we find confirmation, and peace, and a knowledge that actually illuminates, and challenges, and discovers instead of just confirming the tired thoughts of a worn-out mindset? There are many ways to rocket upward, but what is gained once we return to the ground? I think that’s a great question that every reflective person should ask themselves frequently, and not just limited to enlightenment, but also faith in its entirety, and of worldviews as a whole: what have we gained from our beliefs and the consequent journey? Have we arrived at a place of isolation, where we focus on the fact that we’re disconnected and elevated above the rest of the crowd, and only because they ”just refuse to get it”? Or are we (through our experiences and worldview) finding our behavior transformed along with the trading of complacency in exchange for courage and love?
I don’t want to let myself off the hook by keeping things generalized, so let me share where I am personally in regards to mysticism. I have found nothing else in this life that has convicted and stirred me in my head and heart like the words, life and sacrifice of Jesus. The times that I’ve read the Gospels are by far the most intellectual, illuminating and also frustrating and mysterious experiences that I have ever had. I am convinced that Jesus has saved me from myself. Because of this, I want to follow His lead. But as I’ve explained, my head is often in the way, and so I struggle to worship Him authentically, and as a result, miss what is likely a greater connection. My prayer life is in tact, but this lack of courage costs me in other areas. So I hope to learn to worship and to approach God with a greater sense of abandon, and should those exchanges ever bring with them moments described as mystical, I would love to be accepting of them.
On the flip side, I want to have a durable faith. I believe I should let God do his thing without my frequent pestering for a good show. I don’t want to be the rat dog that quivers and barks until it gets a treat. I can’t help but see excessive mysticism as that- a need to feel and to be reminded, because faith isn’t immediate or rewarding enough. The picture of God that I take from the Bible is One who values an element of mystery because that mystery propels faith. So He’ll be with us through the sickening times and also those perceived impossibilities, and He works to change us and walks as a companion, but without the promise of dazzling magic tricks. If God were cruisin’ the streets and giving us daily high-fives, wouldn’t faith be a little silly at that point? There’s a tension in these views of mine, and I can accept that.
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So I’ll wrap it up with some encouragement because I am not qualified to tell anyone else how to exercise their faith. Use your mind and your heart to travel where you want to. Go and explore the heavens. Those who said it before had it right. For people like me, we seek to push ourselves past heady places of comfort and endless conflict, and to participate in a more rational mysticism which strives for a connection with God despite a constant skepticism. Think of prayer that brings our consciousness along with us, plus the courage to amplify God and not ourselves.
For the imaginative person, that description might sound like prison, and I’m sure they could argue that the very loss of rational checkpoints is what makes their spirituality so rich and colorful. If that’s the case, then they should continue in their exploration, though hopefully with a willingness to question things. We can balance mysticism and faith in context of such tailored and individual strengths.
“The finest emotion of which we are capable is the mystic emotion. Herein lies the germ of all art and all true science. Anyone to whom this feeling is alien, who is no longer capable of wonderment and lives in a state of fear is a dead man.”- Albert Einstein
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If you missed the previous parts of this series, check out:
Faith and Mysticism PART II: Let’s Get High
Faith and Mysticism PART I: This Sounds Creepy
7 Comments
Friday, June 6, 2008 at 7:19 am
Though its been a while…OK, years now…since I have been in a church for a service, I can fully appreciate your thought about the physical manifestation of “worship”.
I have been in the churches where there are people dressed in pseudo-nursewear placed at the end of every fifth pew or so, ready to attend to those who “get the spirit”. And get it they would; falling on their knees with arms outstretched, head back and mouths gaping with either silence or howls of spiritual adulation along with body spasms. And these were not Pentecostal services either…those services really seem to go off the charts in terms of physical reactions to worship.
I have an everlasting memory of being in my aunt’s bathroom and hearing my Grandfather in the hallway on the other side of the door get a random (it seemed to me) inspiration from God that sent him to his knees and forced loud expressions of gratitude out of him. It completely creeped me out, because though my Grandfather was raised by a very religious woman (she was a mover and shaker in her church for years and had even moved to Alaska on mission in her later years) he was rather disapproving of the “theatrics” he would see in church. Knowing this about him, it made me nervous that he would be so demonstrative in that moment. To me, there was a disconnect that he would be so disdainful of the public religious PDA, but so willing to do it in private. Was it like masturbation? Something to be expressed ONLY behind closed doors?
I think my Grandfather’s vocal disapproval of the public PDA with God colored my perception for good. I cannot watch people give way to the “Holy Spirit” without some amount of detachment; in other words, it never fails to take me out of the moment. I am firmly in the school of thought that one does not need the physical building or group of other believers to get to grace…but I do see the value of belonging to a social group that supports, encourages and teaches. Unfortunately for any church or temple or mosque that would have me, my belief is that none of us has it right. But that is a discussion for another time.
Friday, June 6, 2008 at 11:25 am
Bri- “pseudo-nursewear”okay that gave me chills. Crrrrreepy!
I have always wondered about hyper-charismatic churches- why does that stuff only seem to occur there? If it’s authentic, shouldn’t it be breaking out everywhere, even in starched-collar areas? When was the last time a CEO of some huge company fell on the ground in church, got the shakes and spewed revelation?
Like yourself, I will always be skeptical of public worship that draws attention to people and not to God. This may be unfair- but I even get a little weird when a singer or big worship moment is applauded in church. Who are we clapping for? God? The performance? Ourselves- for being a part of it? Maybe for the fact that it all came together and sounded powerful and cool? Or maybe it’s just a way of thanking whoever used their talent to acknowledge God. I have no idea.
The story about your grandfather is surprising. I can see why it would trouble you, but if you read that incident as God having “forced” loud expressions from him, then maybe it was involuntary and therefore not inconsistent with his caution?
As for the “behind closed doors” idea, this passage has always resonated with me: “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Some pastor is going to get wind of this blog and march in here to school me on the true meaning of that passage. “Jesus was using hyperbole,” etc. That’s fine. I read that passage as a warning about intent, and perhaps your grandpa was operating from a similar perspective?
I just barfed a long reply. My apologies
thanks a lot for the post. Nice to learn something new about someone that I’ve known well for so long…
-ian
Monday, June 16, 2008 at 10:20 pm
The discussions are interesting, but I am so far behind this jump off point. All of the public display makes me uncomfortable, but not for the same reasons. Clearly, I am not getting it. I just don’t “feel” it the way so many do. But the finest people I know, believe without a doubt in Christ and his sacrifice made for all humanity.
So I am drawn in and interested….truly interested in hearing the different journeys.What am I missing? Why am I missing it?
We feel love and connectedness in groups, so I understand the purpose of church and fellowship- but I would have to agree with you, much of the dramatic moments seem to bring attention to the person and the existence of egos instead of celebrating God and God’s message.
The search is what fascinates me. There has to be a defining moment when you “believe”. How did that happen? Were you searching for it?
Participating in Bible study…I feel horribly guilty when I sit with confusion…My mind full of sincere respect but the skepticism pushing it all away.
But this will be the only way for me to know….this perpetual wonder and search for clues. I suppose I am hoping for a small “moment” to help me. The underlying sense that this is what I am supposed to be doing. It is a beautiful thing to really believe the way you do…..I can relate to the self consciousness but mine is because I can’t seem to find the lightswitch.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Yo Beth- how goes?
There are many who don’t feel it either- and many of those are Christians, and others are not. So there are Christians who “feel” it, and Christians who don’t, and others who reject Christ’s claims and yet also feel, and others still who both reject Christ and feel nothing related to spiritual confirmation. I think my point is that we shouldn’t rely on feelings, because you can arrive at any conclusion with or without them, and they might not even be right.
I can only speak for me but my faith in Jesus became real the moment I realized that I was lost without him in every capacity, and saw no other lasting hope under the sun outside of that. That was a few years ago. I saw the limits of myself and I was insufficient to save me. At that time, and for the first time, I wanted salvation, grace, forgiveness and renewal, instead of being told that I needed it by some preacher. Years later, I have seen Jesus rescue, walk with me and lead me out of that crap (and there’s plenty more that we’re working on). Before that I had been a bigtime religious hypocrit (and probably still am from time to time). The world is full of insight, and also short-range truth, and temporary confirmation and nice vibes and good intentions, but for me those things were all lacking punch (and still do when compared to the intellectual and revolutionary words and life of Jesus).
As a great pastor once said, the gospel becomes real the moment you accept that Jesus died “also for you.” When it goes from a fine phrase to a personal realization. I get that now. It’s not a scheme or a set of rules to follow or to force on others, it’s a saving grace for those who want, or even need it. If you don’t want it, then you don’t want it. I hope that doesn’t come off the wrong way, I am only saying that we can’t coax ourselves into God’s presence. I am not suggesting that you shouldn’t wrestle and question- there is always room for that (and we couldn’t hide it anyway) but there has to be a jumping off point, where you pack up your doubt and skepticism and bring it along for the ride, but allow Christ to lead and your faith to wrestle with the doubt and skepticism.
And it’s not just an eternal insurance plan like some dorky evangelicals say- I may have made it sound similar and I don’t mean to. It’s the belief that Jesus is who he says he is and a desire to be transformed by him and for his purpose. A true self denial.
Some will read that and think I’m insane. I accept that. They’ll tell you that I’m fabricating all of this for my own peace of mind (or worse) and that you should do any number of other things besides what I’m suggesting. To me, it’s that reversal- sortof the opposite of these positive thinking speakers around the world that tell you just to “keep at it” like a hamster on a wheel, or the dangerous advice that suggests “find your own path” as if there’s no possible damage and consequence at our fingertips.
I firmly believe that everyone should make their decision based on their reaction to reading the life and words of Christ. I’m not implying that you haven’t, but to me that’s the purest way to see where one stands- including myself when I travel too far away from my faith. Do the words of Christ make you intrigued, conflicted, bored, angry…and proceed from there.
I don’t really feel equipped to talk to you about this being that I have such a limited perspective, but I hope that was somehow helpful. We’ve had great talks on and off for a long time and I hope I’m not adding more noise to your thoughts. I can completely understand the hesitation, skepticism, confusion- I’m loaded with that stuff too. It is a freeing thing to want Jesus, and to accept one day that it’s not our comprehension, but rather God’s grace, that saves. That was my lightswitch.
We can keep this talk going here or you can shoot me an email, or just keep throwing these thoughts at me over time. I’ll do my best to answer.
-ian
Wednesday, June 18, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Never too much noise. You are right. I appreciate you pointing me in the right direction.
Like Heather mentioned with the busy and overly busy schedules, I allow myself to be trapped inside a pinball machine and need to stop and do the work. I am willing to do this.
“there has to be a jumping off point, where you pack up your doubt and skepticism and bring it along for the ride, but allow Christ to lead and your faith to wrestle with the doubt and skepticism.”
I appreciate these words you share with me Ian. Probably why I tapped your shoulder in the first place. Will be sending more on this soon.
Friday, October 3, 2008 at 2:36 pm
…’it’s not our comprehension, but rather God’s grace, that saves’…
This is it Ian. This is it. No matter how much one studies or reads or wants or attends ‘church’, this is it.
Paul says and I say that if salvation could be obtained by works then where would grace be? Jesus would have died for nothing then.
…I have mercy on whom I have mercy. I have compassion on whom I have compassion…
Its his choice, its his time…its him.
>^..^<
Friday, October 3, 2008 at 3:19 pm
it’s one of those things worth meditating on often. Otherwise I get a whiff of self-importance, and I’m suddenly back trying to be Super Christian.
-ian