Hulk vs. Indiana Jones: One Movie Sucked. Here’s Why.
Photo credit: Marvel Studios
I’ve seen a couple of summer movies so far- Iron Man, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and now The Incredible Hulk. Iron man was good fun, and everyone seems to agree about that. But Hulk and Indy 4 have divided audiences, so I’m going to share my thoughts because I think one of them was a complete and total failure.
‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’ has been in development hell since the early 1990s. Year after year, the trio of Ford, Spielberg and Lucas promised fans that another installment would come around once script and schedules were in sync. A handful of screenwriters- including M. Night Shyamalan and Frank Darabont- took a crack at updating (and likely ending) the successful screen mythology of Indiana Jones. Speaking of Darabont- Spielberg and Ford adored his script. It was Lucas who gave it the axe.
So what finally arrived in theaters? A sequel so unforgivable that it actually soiled the reputation of the other three films. ‘Crystal Skull’ was a lifeless mess. Unlike the other installments, ‘Skull’ had no sense of discovery, or charm, or well-placed humor. Even the cinematography was dull and muted- a total contrast from Douglas Slocombe’s classic, richly colored work on the previous three films. As for the title character himself, Ford did a fine job, but the story didn’t need him. Those Russians were headed for that “temple” with or without his help. And Jones was never in danger, or perhaps Spielberg managed to drain the tension so that you didn’t care even if he was. As for Mutt swinging on vines with monkeys, slingshot trees and group trips over three impossible waterfalls, nothing else needs to be said about it. We all felt nauseous at the same time.
George Lucas has lost all grasp on the filmmaker he used to be. He has got to get away from his franchises, because his influence is killing them. I honestly believe he massaged this storyline until it provided sufficient employment for the staff of Industrial Light & Magic. The CG was so excessive and unnecessary that there can really be no other conclusion. Spielberg didn’t fare much better. It would be a true archaeological feat to discover his visual storytelling prowess that was lost long ago.
My friend made a perfect comparison after the movie ended- he said it felt like a water ride at a theme park, where plot points are strung together almost randomly as you pass through. To me the whole thing worked like a stunt show, which is basically saying the same thing; ridiculous excuses to get the players into boring action sequences.
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‘Crystal Skull’ also had a very sanitary feel to it, as if the years have softened Spielberg and Lucas to the point where they won’t agree to film a reckless, dangerous good guy. There was one singular moment- when Indy fired the blow dart back into that dude’s throat- that actually felt whimsical and in character. The rest of the time, we were treated to old-age jokes that sound better coming from Danny Glover.
Unlike Indy 4, ‘Hulk’ knew exactly what the audience was there for: brawls and smashing stuff. It didn’t linger or hesitate, and moved along at a steady pace, while the action (though clearly CG) was tough and entertaining. It also helped that the CG characters had a weight to them. Unlike Spiderman, who starts to move like Gumby the minute he takes to the sky- Hulk and Abomination interacted well with their environments and each other, so that you could actually believe what you were watching (to a certain extent of course). I wish the same could be said for what will hopefully be Indiana’s final adventure.
The summer can still be redeemed. Bring on The Dark Knight, Pineapple Express and Werner Herzog’s Encounters at the End of the World. Okay, I’m actually getting excited about Wanted, although Angelina Jolie’s arms appear to be stolen from the Cloverfield monster. She needs to invest in a sandwich.
Question: why is Stallone the only person who understands his 80′s franchises? I can’t believe I’m saying this- but Rambo 4 and Rocky 6 completely dominated Die Hard 4 and Indiana Jones 4. Now we’re got Brett Ratner directing Beverly Hills Cop 4, and I’m sure that will end up being disowned by us fans as well. Help!
Friday, June 20, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Well before I even begin, let me begin at the end of your piece — all “Beverly Hills Cop” fans were done halfway through the second one. The third one fused my left pupil shut and I have erased all memory of it from my mind. A fourth one?? Who is asking?? Can we track this ONE person down and send him to Gitmo?
I certainly second all of your sentiments on the last Indy picture. I had almost forgotten that I had seen it until you reminded me; I don’t know if “thanks” is the proper word here. It was an excuse to pad the wallet of the main players (Spielberg, Lucas and Ford) along with giving IL&M something to do.
As for “The Incredible Hulk”, I mostly concur. I liked the B-movie aspect of it along with the clever homages to the original book as well as the TV show. The (not very) in-jokes like the purple pants bit were quite well done. I actually ended up looking forward to the “sad walk away” theme from the show. And how cool is it that Ferrigno was the voice of Hulk?! (Although, admittedly, that really could have been ANYONE since its so digitized and altered.)
But, I have to start an argument when it comes to the CGI. I thought it looked horrible in general. Not enough for me to not like the movie or groan in disgust, but enough for me to pick it apart as I watched it. Now, you know, Ian, that I am the ONLY fan of the 2003 version that I know — and that alone seems to bring out anger in people. I dunno, maybe its the hat…(courtesy of Uncle Buck). But, if you ever have access to the earlier version, the CGI in that one kicks HULK butt all over the new one. My first assumption was that they actually spent less on this re-do, but after looking into it on Box Office Mojo, I discovered the new one was $13 mil MORE than the original! Now, one cannot assume this means they spent more on effects alone — could be a number of things including Ed Norton’s salary and just the general rise in the cost of things these days. But, given that we are 5 years on, I would have expected more improvement in the way CGI looks. I recently read an article interviewing the CGI team for the new pic and they were very snarky about the previous Hulk creation. I defy you to look at specific scenes in the 2003 version and tell me it looks worse than what you saw on screen this week. Now, one might argue about the creature design — the 2003 Hulk was oddly soft and squat even when he was over 10 feet tall — but check out the detail of the water on him, the lighting effects and that fantastic tank fight in the desert! Amazingly detailed. The new one, by contrast, seemed flat in many ways and washed out in certain scenes where the colors of the creature(s) seemed toned down as though they would look more “real”. Really, how “real” can green skin look? trying to make it NOT stand out is a mistake, from my POV.
The last bit of criticism I have about this movie, well to be more accurate, criticism about the marketing of this movie is: who in the f**k decided to put “The Cameo” in the TV spot?!? Now, being the movie dweeb I am, I knew he was going to pop up, but most people didn’t. Even in the theater there was actually APPLAUSE when “The Cameo” occurred. Imagine how cool that would have been to have a more universal reaction to the last scene! Obviously, Marvel/Universal had some doubt as to whether the big green meanie was enough to bring out the intended audience. Too bad, I say. I actually had fun when I expected to be embarrassed to be there.
Saturday, June 21, 2008 at 8:35 am
Bro_binso: We disagree on Beverly Hills Cop 2, though my memories of it are mostly from growing up. I should try it again. Cop 3 was dead and putrid. Easily the worse assortment of boring white bad guys this side of a straight-to-video Seagal movie.
So being that I’m pretty detached from Hulk history, I missed some of the things you mentioned (like Ferrigno voicing the Hulk). I thought the purple pants bit was a little typical. But I do agree with you that the 2003 version had better CG (and thought so as early as this recent film’s trailer). I thought the cave scene with Hulk and Liv Tyler looked especially poor. But do you agree with me about the weight/movement issue and that there was an improvement in the way the characters interaction with the environment? When I say environment, of course I mean nature in general
I missed the cameo TV spot but I knew it was coming anyway. I thought it was great. Did you know they cut scenes that apparently included Captain America? Yikes. The first cut was almost 3 hours (weren’t they trying to reverse the taste of the 03 version? What’s with shooting another 3-hour story?)
Hey did you catch our boy Omar during the final battle? He walked in frame, acted shocked, and didn’t say anything. Josh was sure that it wasn’t him. “That guys a big actor! Why would he ever do extra work?!?” I assured him of his mistake and that stuff like that happens frequently.
Later that night, imdb and I shared a hearty laugh at his expense
Saturday, June 21, 2008 at 9:17 am
Yeah, I recognized “Omar” immediately. Too bad he wasnt in his trenchcoat with his “hardware”! haha!
I think we are on the same page. There were more scenes of Hulk actually in an environment compared to his screen time in the ’03 version. So, I guess it was an improvement in that sense. I also liked the increased incidents of talking as well…that only occurred in a dream sequence in the last one.
Based on seeing this version and without the benefit of seeing Norton’s cut, I have to say they went the right direction of a shorter running time and LESS introspection on Bruce’s part. People DON’T go to these movies for real world drama…even in Batman, which is probably the most “human” of the superheroes, they don’t spend 3 hours showing Bruce Wayne’s inner turmoil. Although without any of that, Batman would be…umm…Clooney. And we all know how that worked out….
Saturday, June 21, 2008 at 10:15 am
I would absolutely watch an Omar vs. Hulk movie. Man I miss The Wire.
And don’t lie- your batsuit has nipples.