The Flaw of Diva Feminism and Fighting Over the Gender Crown
To become an independent woman, a female needs to practice just one or more of the following: throwing her opinions around, sporting an addiction to gadgetry, implementing a power walk or lots of reckless behavior. As lies go, this one has spread like wildfire.
The final ingredient in that tale (reckless behavior) is good for some temporary excitement as well as a lot of perpetual longing, and all the drama and attention that comes with being stuck in a cycle with both. Is this what feminism has become for the younger generations?
I recently watched a movie that really grabbed me, and if I sound like a stuffy academic for calling it profound, that’s okay because it really was. The movie was ‘Reprise,’ and I’m going to avoid spoiling the entire thing or reviewing it completely, so here is a summary: the story follows two close male friends in their early 20s. Each is a talented writer. While the first manages to get his book published, the other does not initially. Through a series of events, the published friend starts to go crazy, leaving his friends (male and female) to adjust while all of them try to understand their individual ambitions.
The guys in this film talk about how women slow them down, have nothing original to contribute, and add no lasting value besides the “obvious” sexual one. They think that their minds and words are untamed and deserve to be discovered by a world lacking depth. But what is revealed (again without spoilers, because I want you to watch this movie) is that these tough-talking guys are actually trendy cliches, and the only ones who have the courage to see and state the truth are the females in their lives. The males don’t have the nerve to get real with one another. More than that, the female characters refine these boys in different and personal ways throughout the story.
I found ‘Reprise’ to be a unique and subtle praise of true feminism. The young women in this movie don’t act strong by prancing around and declaring their independence, and unlike any episode of ‘King of Queens’ or ‘Everybody Loves Raymond,’ they don’t view men as a constant annoyance. In many cases these women are something like meek: patient and humble, until the moment that things get out of hand. They become kind or fierce depending on what the situation requires.
But thanks to the ‘Sex and the City’ line of thinking, doing what you want while saying whatever you think is the new liberation. Many young females seem to agree that embracing the fast life means conquering the male agenda, but being pulled through it by surprise makes one a slut. I just don’t think that distinction holds up at all. So these girls find their understanding of superiority by taking from the men before they get taken themselves? Sounds Darwinian, doesn’t it?
This issue is not exclusive to females. Men have their own ways of fighting for supremacy, and those who do so use neglect, pornographic escapism and intimidation (or worse) as a vehicle to reach that place.
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It’s not just about what we take and how we declare it in the race to rise above the other sex. There is so much effort given to preserving boundaries, and to the establishment of guidelines, and to things Rightfully Ours. There is a yearning that feeds on the necessity of maintaining what we’ve got and claiming what is supposedly deserved. What can that possibly achieve besides a greater disconnect from true self and genuine intimacy? It’s like saying that everyone should fight to get rich, which would be terrible for mankind if it actually were possible. The obvious question needs to be asked: “and then what?” What IF a sense of victory is attained over the opposite sex?
These are nervous times for a country geared to make steady progress. I’m sure that can wear on our sense of internal calm. Do people choose to respond to such signals by acting out or establishing control? If we’re focused on being dominant, we might get there, but the arrival will never look as it was intended to be. Friendships will stale and lovers will go quiet (or out the front door). Strength does not mean keeping love and life in our grip. Leaders know how and when to ease up.
Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 10:34 am
Ian- I agree that a “strong” female knows when to be outspoken, when to hang-back, and when to give support. I also think, as woman trying to make a difference, how important it is to lead by example. I don’t always do this (hey, Im not perfect!) but I believe that a woman can show a more convicted and independent attitude not by complaining about the hand they are dealt and instead… doing something about it!!
Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 11:33 am
you’re such an AWESOME writter Ian
Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 2:00 pm
I once knew a Writter…. also a Cutter…
Friday, November 14, 2008 at 9:44 am
Heather- I like your perspective on this, and am definitely not perfect either when it comes to these issues. I wrote this article as a reminder for myself too.
Melinda- thanks! (and thanks again for your help in getting the word out on this site)!
And Bean- my thumbs hurt from beating you at Madden. Winning 7 of the last 9 is VURY delightful.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008 at 9:47 pm
You know, I like how you divined the feminist message out of “Reprise”. I must say I only considered the actions of the male leads and their buddies and didn’t give it a more holistic view. You are spot-on regarding the strong women in the story and how they show the young guys how to be men/adults.
Thursday, November 27, 2008 at 11:22 am
This one certainly hits home for me and is a topic I feel VERY strongly about – however as a Woman in 2008 my views are not the most popular. See,
I was raised by my Grandparents so my views on feminism are more in tune with the 50′s housewife rather than the modern day “womyn” who smells faintly of singed bra and unisex cologne. In our house we had a Man of the House, and it was not referring to his gender but of a roll he played. He protected, provided, fixed, loved, and at the end of any discussion his word was final. It was not overbearing or abusive and he certainly was not trying to keep anyone “barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen” – he was just a strong leader. My Grandma was also a leader in our house – but of a different kind. She ran the house (while going to school, working, and raising children) taking care of all the daily tasks enabling him to fulfill his roll. She never complained, she never nagged, and she certainly never took to the modern day couple “humor” by emasculating him in front of others to try and prove a point. To me this was strength and it was “Feminism” as I knew it.
Now that I am out of the little Edmonds cocoon I am saddened by the ugliness of females today. I hear them all the time “I will just MAKE my husband do this” or “If he knows what is good for him he will do that” or my personal favorite “aint no MAN going to tell ME what to do”…when did it stop being about a partnership and more a parental type relationship ruled by manipulation and fear of being deprived of what you want? And I could not agree more about modern day sitcoms…if men are a constant annoyance WHY ARE YOU MARRIED??? I fail miserably in seeing the humor in a man and a woman who can’t even be in the same room without yelling at each other – and this being a marriage that we are to emulate because it is the “norm”.
To wrap up my rant on this subject I am interested in seeing this movie you wrote about as it is always nice to see something where the men are not weak and fearful of the women they are with because they are so overbearing that the threat of sleeping on the couch hangs over them like a disease. I know it is merely a fantasy however I often think about what would happen if both sexes stopped warring for power and remembered why we loved each other in the first place.
Monday, December 1, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Tiffany- that was really refreshing to read and once again- spot on. Did that make me sound British?
Def. let me know if you end up seeing Reprise. Would like to hear your reaction.
Friday, March 6, 2009 at 11:57 am
My wife of four years told me one afternoon, “Ain’t NO man going to tell ME what to do.” What was she wanting to do? She wnated to go to a bar that was known as a hangout for married people looking for sex, meet a few people, dance a little, and leave me home. I said no. It was, the start of the downfall of our marriage.
I had been taught that the man provides, keeps things working right, deals with emergencies, runs the household and “prunes” the family (works to eliminate bad things so that the family worked smoother, and the people in it were better self disciplined.) Ad the wife, well, she kept the place clean, prepared food, did basic kid maintenance, and ruled the house.
I was also taught that it takes both people “in their place” for it to work out right. My parents are still together, and still happy. Not always, but in general they are.
So I, from a small town, was transplanted to a large city where a girl was encouraged to try sex, drugs, and single mothers harped on the kids to “never let a man try to take advantage of you.” Men were “babydaddies” and not around, and to hear how the wmen talked to them before they breakup was astounding! It was honestly as if she were god, and men were slaves to be tolerated or ridiculed for their lack of perfection. One tiny wrong would be forever remembered but the wonderful sweet thing he did was forgotte before the memory was even fully written. Men, terrified of living without sex were also terrified of crossing the “law backed legally in control psycotic screaming messenger of total submission and fear.” Or they would find the house screwed up, garbage pilling up, kids out of control, screamed at for anything – endlessly, to the point that death would be preferable.
I’ve been single for over six years. One day I may meet a lady that wants to be a part of a family. Sadly, I’m not holding my breath.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 9:42 am
Hi Matthew- thank you for the comment and for writing so personally. It’s kindof difficult for me to respond as I don’t know your situation objectively, but I do identify with some aspects of your frustration. Speaking generally- we all have to face our resentments and try to move through and beyond them. I personally suck at doing this, so I go to God to ask for His help.
Hope to hear from you again in the future. Thanks again.