Inside Cambodia PART I: Life After Prostitution
by Guest Contributor Lauren Ebright
This past May I embarked on my first trip to Phnom Penh, Cambodia with my boss and friend Matthew Fairfax. Matthew owns James Alan Salon- the neighborhood salon I work at as a hairdresser in Shoreline, Washington. About eight months ago an idea was hatched. Matthew had a dream of starting the James Alan Salon Foundation to benefit our local area; he had no idea at the time how far the dream would reach. Through an amazing client of ours Matthew came to know of the desperate reality of human trafficking (primarily for the sex industry) in Cambodia. Separately, I had already began researching more ways I could get involved in combating the very same issue, coincidentally in the very same country. One beautiful day in October our minds came together and we set into motion what would become the Justice and Soul Project. Our goal is to create a hairdressing program for rescued women that are close to being ready to re-enter society after a life of sexual slavery. Slavery can come in many forms, the first is obvious; another form is born out of hopeless economic conditions. We want to give them a skill, a trade that can help support them in a country that is unwilling to. We had no idea what was ahead of us. We took a leap on May 12th and some fourteen hours later touched down in the Kingdom of Cambodia.
I have two very defined, very sobering memories in my mind. One of them is the day I visited Andong village, a community of people the government kicked off their own land for one reason or another- none of which were just. And the other is visiting an organization called AFESIP (french acronym for Acting for Women in Distressing Situations). In the U.S. the organization is known as the Somaly Mam Foundation- named after its founder; activist and former trafficked woman, Somaly Mam. The hours I spent at AFESIP’s Tom Dy Center was the turning point of my trip . Everything I thought I knew about the issue of human trafficking and sexual exploitation hinges on that visit.
The Tom Dy Center is located about twenty minutes outside of Phnom Penh proper, in a quiet, rural setting surrounded by rice fields. The center itself was named after one of the first girls to be rescued by Somaly Mam. Tom Dy was also one of the first girls rescued to die of HIV- though not the last. If you stand in the courtyard at the shelter and take in your surroundings you will see modest, clean rooms for learning, eating, and sleeping, carefully tended gardens (which the girls themselves see to) and a long, red dirt road. The only ominous presence is the huge gated doors at the entrance of the center- a reminder of the day when violent traffickers stormed the center demanding their “property” back.
AFESIP has two vocational programs: sewing and hairdressing. Our guide Joleene, a 25 year-old writer from Tacoma, WA (of all places!) took us into the sewing classroom where about twelve girls were working on their latest creations. The minute Matthew, Mark (our friend and in-country contact) and I walked in all the girls stood at attention with huge smiles, traditional bows and “hello’s”. One girl in particular, a skinny, smooth-skinned girl with a wide child-like smile waved at us from across the room- seemingly eager to have our attention. I waved back at her, laughing slightly at how sweet she seemed. Joleene leaned into me and told me the girl’s name (which for the sake of her anonymity I will not mention) and that she’s been happily living at Tom Dy for about a year. I smiled to myself thinking how nice that was- still oddly removed from why these girls were here. SubconsciouslyI thought it was some sort of boarding school. I knew literally it wasn’t. I knew, rationally, that I was at a shelter for rescued girls. But until I was faced with the faces of these girls I still held a strange belief that this kind of abuse wasn’t happening to real people. My perspective would change very permanently as Joleene continued, telling me this girl’s story. She had been sold by her very own mother at seven years old, rescued at some point only to go on to being re-sold by her mother again. This beautiful, tangible girl in front of me was currently twelve years old- going on thirteen perhaps and was most definitely already HIV positive. I am being honest when I say the room began to spin. My peripheral vision melted away and all I could see was this twelve year old girl bent happily over her sewing machine, so content to finally be safe. I questioned her future- if HIV is a life sentence here in the U.S., even with our expensive drugs- what does it mean for a child in Cambodia?
We left the sewing room, our minds already unwraveling, and made our way down the red dirt road to the center’s small hair salon. There were about ten young women at work on one another- manicures, pedicures, some pretty elaborate updo’s. It was said to me a number of times on my trip that Cambodian women could teach us American stylists a thing or two about up do’s and I will tell you honestly, that is correct. They can throw down.
While Matthew talked with the instructor about the important business of teaching and inventory, I shared my thoughts with Joleene. I asked her questions about the girls. What’s the age range? How does AFESIP obtain the girls? Do you find that most parents know they’re selling their daughters? Or are they mislead? I felt like I had so many questions and that after each one I asked I kept hearing in my mind “Why?” Why, Why, Why?
I found out that the girls can be anywhere from five years old to their early 20′s. I found out that all AFESIP can do is create a reputation, make themselves known in the community so that girls can find the shelters. And as far as parents selling their daughters I discovered one small victory. The majority of parents do not intentionally sell their daughters into sexual slavery. A majority of parents are mislead into thinking their daughters are being taken to the city to be employed in legitimate work (albeit sweatshop conditions). Yet some parents know exactly what fate they are choosing for their daughters. This truth will always be a mystery to me.
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Inside the Tom Dy sewing room. Photo Credit: Lauren Ebright
I thought out loud about the government’s ambivalence, about the poverty I had seen at Andong village: about the steel trap of injustice this country seemed to be ensnared in. All the while I was aware of the girl’s eyes on me… of their visible discomfort with Matthew and Mark. Some of them recoiling unto themselves as if to put up a physical shield. Other girls were instinctively posing for them- only knowing that when men are around you need to become a sexual object ready to be purchased. Either stance was equally devastating to witness.
As we left the salon the girls were waving goodbye- some more interested than others- and I caught eyes with one girl crouched down on her haunches with a beautiful smile. I didn’t know her story (but I knew it wasn’t good) and I didn’t know her name but she looked me in the eyes and I could see that she didn’t want me to leave. I stopped walking and we stared at one another. A teenage Cambodian girl and a twenty something American girl. Both of us women, both of us wanting the same hope, love and freedom in life. I knew that she wanted to be me; maybe not specifically Lauren but to be the one who gets to leave this place. Her eyes seemed to tell me that she wanted to be the girl who wasn’t there because she needed to be rescued.
I walked back down the red dirt road with tears streaming down my cheeks. I wasn’t crying because I had suddenly found the perfect dramatic moment to indulge my humanitarian side in. I was crying because I finally realized it wasn’t about that. My desire to help this situation isn’t glamorous- it doesn’t make me feel like Brangelina. Not anymore anyway. In the beginning it was kind of exciting- this concept of international social work, of being an “NGO”. That was before I traveled to Cambodia. It was before I met a thirteen year old who had her eye gouged out by her mama-san one night because she didn’t want to “work” (i.e. get raped in every way). Now I am devastated. I am justly angry. I am humbled by these girl’s spirit to go on, to create the best life they can. I am speechless. Because I know with confidence I will never sell my daughter; but these daughters were sold.. And what is the difference? Show me what the difference is between my daughter and these girls.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009 at 12:46 pm
As I sit here in my little Mary Poppins, it just takes a spoon full of sugar to make life right, bubble I am feeling disgusted with myself for not knowing that any of this actually took place anymore in other countries. I guess in trying to make the world a more happy place in my mind (for reasons that I really don’t know) I had actually thought that these kinds of things maybe happened hundreds of years ago, but surely not anymore.
And I hear about “missions work” all the time and maybe I am jaded however none of it ever really moves me…and certainly never moves me to tears. As I sit here at work trying to “suck it up” while reading about your trip I am speechless. The work you are doing is truly amazing and I can’t wait to read more about it.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Lauren~My soul is truly touched by what you have shared. As I sit here reading your journey, I have tears in my eyes as well………my heart aches for those beautiful girls that have been robbed of so much
I thank the Lord that he sent you to be a part of something that can help change lives. I look forward to helping with whatever I can in the future…in the meantime, I pray for those girls hopes and dreams to come to fruition.
~Jael
Thursday, June 11, 2009 at 8:56 am
Lauren,
Thanks for giving of yourself and for giving your experiences. Its always exciting, disturbing, provocative, exhilarating, depressing, and life-changing when we travel and see how others live or just plain survive their existence. One doesn’t always need to leave the US to see how people struggle to live as human beings are “meant” to live, but when we do, as Americans, we always have the opportunity to LEARN. You have taken that step and it will change you forever.
Thursday, June 11, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Lauren, Thanks for sharing your experiences with this surreal world that none of us can even fathom. Despite being aware of such practices throughout the world, I can’t imagine having to live that kind of life. That leads to another discussion piece….countries that sell children into slavery (physical or sexual), what are realistic solutions for these practices.
Thursday, June 11, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Tiffany- don’t be disgusted with yourself- digest it and feel empowered by it because now you know. And awareness is everything. Before two years ago, I didn’t know either. There are still so many things I don’t know.
p.s. Can’t wait to read your stuff!!
Jael- Your words are always such an amazing encouragement. I feel so endeared to you and am so grateful for all your support.
Bri- “One doesn’t always need to leave the US to see how people struggle to live as human beings are “meant” to live, but when we do, as Americans, we always have the opportunity to LEARN”
I couldn’t agree with you more. There is injustice and depravity all over this world (and plenty in the U.S.)- does that mean we don’t learn and investigate and try???? NO.
Costa- Good question… what are some realistic solutions for these practices?? In my opinion- and maybe because it’s one tangible thing I can offer, it’s sustainable tools. I believe that the driving force behind almost every injustice in Cambodia lies in corruption and POVERTY. And how do we end poverty? I don’t know- but I think a good start is EMPOWERMENT.
Friday, June 12, 2009 at 11:07 am
Wow. Thanks for posting.
So what is the next step for the Justice and Soul project?
Friday, June 12, 2009 at 11:45 am
Lauren, thanks so much for sharing your journey. I am excited to see where God will lead you and how the project progresses.
Peace.
Friday, June 12, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Thank you so much for this. After being catapulted through the normal range of emotional responses, tears, unbelievable anger, pity, gratitude, humility… in the end I simply want to know what we can do about this situation. What can I do? I truly, and very seriously, want to do something about this. Please keep us posted on what’s coming next. I am most definitely going to be involved.
Friday, June 12, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Hi Lauren,
Thanks for sharing. I find myself identifying with many of the sentiments you’ve expressed here, which also pushed me in the direction of international development.
I admire your honesty regarding the prestige element in this kind of work; I still have not been able to resolve the contradictions between the gravity of the issues and the industry of international development and its many (sometimes self-righteous) protaganists.
It’s certainly complicated, deeply political and usually contentious, but what other choice do we have than to get informed? So, I’m with you there and wanted to express my support. All the best to you and say hello to Ian for me!
AD
Saturday, June 13, 2009 at 8:41 am
Lauren,
Thanks so much for sharing your article with us. It brought tears to my eyes to hear their story. One most of us can’t even imagine or comprehend, and yet it happens. My heart breaks for these young women and children as yours does. Thankfully, the one hope they can count on, are compassionate people like you with the strength and courage to make a difference in their lives. I think what you’re doing is amazing! If there’s any way I can help, you have my support 100%. Bless your heart!
Monday, June 15, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Lauren,
Thank you so much for sharing the stories of these young women. It is so important for us to be confronted with these truths, to be reminded of how other people live and how much they need our help.
I loved this part: “I wasn’t crying because I had suddenly found the perfect dramatic moment to indulge my humanitarian side in. I was crying because I finally realized it wasn’t about that. My desire to help this situation isn’t glamorous- it doesn’t make me feel like Brangelina. Not anymore anyway…”
Well said.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 at 11:30 am
@Greg- thanks for the post… the next step will be recieving our 501c3 with the grande ol’ IRS and start fundraising. also, I am currently working on the hair program itself- procedure, systems, etc and assembling a leadership team of stylists from my own salon.
ADavis- Thanks for the support! I agree, it is on occasion, cringe-worthy to witness the contradiction between the desperate situation at hand and the self-appointed white knight there to make it all ok. All while making time to get in that perfect digital shot of said knight cuddling a malnourished baby.
But- with all things in life there will be insincerity… and at least we can count on the good news that the vast majority involved in international (and local) work are convicted, honest people with huge, bleeding hearts.
@Lisa- Your comment brought hope to my heart. Thank you for the support- you should know that when I was at the AFESIP shelter I asked Joleene what the girls felt about us being there and she told me- “they feel comforted. Comfort at the idea that people outside of Cambodia care what is happening to them.” Your support comforts these girls Lisa.
Rachel- Thomas Jefferson wrote, “Travel makes us wiser, if less happy”.
Glad you connected with the last bit, it was a little embarrassing to admit but honestly how I feel.
Friday, June 19, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Lauren,
Thanks for sharing your stories. I can only imagine the heartbreak and horror you experienced. I appreciate your heart and your work and I pray that God would open the right doors for your vision and mission to come into full fruition! Thanks for your compassionate and enraged heart! May God use your work to bless, encourage and provide a path for many women!
DeAnza
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Hello!
My name is Kristi Buccheri and I am currently trying to put together an informational DVD to raise support and awareness about human trafficking. My husband is enrolled in a program for aviation and maintenance. Once this program is completed we are hoping to use aviation to combat human trafficking.
As we have never been on the field, we do not have any personal photographs of trafficked women and children. This is why I am writing you. There is a photograph on your website detailing child prostitution which I believe will make an incredible impact in our DVD. I would like to request permission to use this photo in our DVD and possibly on our website.
Please feel free to contact me at jeep_girl2@yahoo.com.
Thank you so very much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing back from you.
Regards,
Kristi Buccheri.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 at 9:50 am
DeAnza- Thank you for reading and for your support. You are always an encouragement to me and I really appreciate it. see you soon!