For Children, Pets…and Husbands
Photo Credit: Fox
I was recently watching TV with my husband when I saw a commercial come on for a local carpet cleaning company. The commercial claimed that their carpet cleaning services were around for children, pets…and husbands. I found this peculiar so I asked my husband what they had meant by that. His reply was “honey, don’t you know, we are all just a bunch of buffoons that can’t do anything without somehow screwing it up or making a mess?”
My first thoughts about this were humorous; thinking that my dog’s poop and children require constant attention so messes don’t end up on the floor; since my husband does not do or require any of the aforementioned things I was still kind of at a loss.  As I thought about it further I became almost sad. I was so disappointed that my husband felt that society had placed husbands as just a bunch of idiots incapable of doing anything correctly except going to work every day and collecting a pay check. Almost like a monkey performing assigned tricks.
I guess the reason this bothered me so much was that over the last year I, personally, have leaned so extensively on my husband that I honestly don’t know what I would have done without him. With two hip surgeries and a miscarriage, I can assure you he ran our house, cooked me dinner, wiped my tears, encouraged me, loved me (not always an easy task), met my stubborn attitude with its match and still managed to have a smile on his face.  So to think that he feels the recent trend of treating husbands as incompetent and sub par makes me feel very sad and very guilty.
I don’t know when or how it started. I wonder if all of us women joined forces around a bra bonfire late one night and amidst the billows of burning polyester and latex it was decided that we had enough with being the repressed sex.  I picture a pact being signed, perhaps a hoorah being yelled and the decision was made to not only become an equal but to go over the top to make the opposite sex feel “less than” as often as possible.  To, perhaps,  point out every mistake, to constantly change the rules and always keep them guessing, and to master the art of “game playing” like it had never been done before. Whatever the decision or however it came to be, I think the point has been overdone and I am tired of being ashamed to be a woman.
(continues below photo)
Photo Credit: askmen.com
I know I am as guilty of it as the next person, so don’t think that I am trying to sit on my high horse.  I know there are many times I wish I could hit the rewind button and I am just fortunate enough to have a husband that keeps forgiving me. Because when I sit back and think of all the times that he could have made horrid, snide remarks about me he has chosen not to. When he stubs his toe for the 200th time on a pair of stilletoes, or when he reaches for a bottle of shampoo in the shower and 37 bottles of product with a nano drop in them that (for some female logic type reason, have been precariously stacked up in a Jenga-like fashion around the shampoo bottle) all come crashing down on to his little toe, he just calmly walks it off and attempts to  pretend like nothing happened.
He loves me in spite of all my crazy, pain in the butt ways, so why should he be treated any less just because he does not think about running a house like I do? There is, for sure, no rule book that says my way is right.
My hope is that we can perhaps remember that there was a reason we fell madly in love with the man who currently feels like an idiot; that there was a time when we could not have cared less that his underwear was on the floor, because he was cute and sweet and he loved us, so we gladly picked it up because we wanted him to love us back. So, maybe next time we hear some Everybody Loves Raymond sitcom tirade blaring in the background we can hug our husbands, turn the channel, and perhaps pick up our shoes and throw out our shampoo bottles. I’m just sayin’, it is a thought.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 1:45 am
Hear! Hear!
Great Thoughts!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 9:31 am
This one is cute, Tiff! And definately a good reminder… Nicely done!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 9:47 am
This video brings up the same point…with a little humor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwLAh8qhOqI&feature=related
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 9:56 am
I really liked your perspective on this…very funny and honest!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 10:32 am
I also must admit that sometimes I don’t mind the stereotype. Keeps expectations low.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 10:39 am
Hey Tiffany, I just gotta say, that if that commercial was hard on husbands, that ‘s a bummer, but the past several centuries have been pretty rough and condescending for the female of the species…all over the world. Granted, I’m kind of long in the tooth at age 43, but I remember more than one of those ridiculous commercials directed at women in the 70′s about being embarrassed about the cleanliness of you oven, or how your friends will come over and drag their fingers along your dusty furniture and shake their heads at the lady of the house for being a filthy slob that doesn’t use Pledge! A bombardment of those commercials along with commercials about how women were supposed to “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, ever let u forget your a man!” while wearing an evening gown and Enjolie perfume. Talk about a constant cultural mind-f**k!
I too have a wonderful husband that nurses me back to health, encourages me in life and is the most amazing chef I know…amoung other things. That said, who messes up my floors the most? My cats and my husband. I’m afraid what we have here is truth in advertising…for once. Your article is timely, because I just spent 3 hours this weekend mopping floors, yes, u heard me right, I, Myself, mopped the floors, not my husband. Ironically, I found every cookie and sandwich crumb, ice cream drop, BBQ sauce spill that was hastily wiped up, right under his section of couch. Hmmmm. I cleaned up cat puke too. Would my husband mop floors? Hell no- he’s not stupid, I’m the only one that sees dirt and filth (thank you 1970′s housekeeping commercials!). Come to think of it, my 20/20 sighted husband cannot find the milk in the fridge, along with every man that is married to a girlfriend of mine. Coincidence? I think not. I have it on good male authority, that when guys feel lazy, and there’s a wife in the house,they ask her to find something, get something, clean up something…because (and here’s the kicker) because she’s better at it. My friend Cyn, was recently told by her husband that she is so much better at cleaning up barf and soiled baby dipers than he is….yea, right.
My point is, in your floor commercial, the message is still directed at WOMEN! After all these years and a feminist movement, women still are supposed to worry about their floors! That should be the outrageous part- especially since a man was probably directing the creative team that came up with that little gem of a commercial! As a matter of fact, the dufus man-child that is on Everyone Loves Raymond is from the imagination of Ray Romano, no one yells at loveable Ray, unless he wants it in there. Also, the character is pathetic, why his wife hasn’t left him is beyond me- what a lazy, passive jerk of a humanbeing. But, that’s a character written by men, for men- I’m probably more offended than guys watching.
All in all, if you have a good, responsible spouse, with a hint of self-esteem, he probably can take a stupid commercial. Especially since his gender has a sure and dominant foothold in society.
Now if I can only get rid of that nagging feeling that I need to clean something… And get that damned Mr. Clean commercial out of my head!!!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 3:43 pm
It is nice to see that you appreciate your husband and are appreciated in return. Even when the Everybody Loves Raymond sitcom tirade is blaring in the background…since I have to admit it is as if a spycam is set up in my house….I can hug my husband anyway
Thursday, November 12, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Good to have you back writing, Tiffany!
Friday, November 13, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Jordy, Unique and Matt – Thank you very much!
I love the encouragement! Jordy – I enjoy a good stereotype as well…gives me the greatest excuse when I have a flat tire and/or need to change my oil. 
Kris – First of all thank you so much for taking the time to ready my post and more importantly for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I completely understand where you are coming from, however think that maybe some of what I was trying to get across was missed.
I realize that it is my husband that makes my floors the dirtiest. He truly does. They were correct in that and there was indeed truth in advertising. I guess the point that I feel they are missing is, that he makes them the dirtiest because he goes out every single night, after working all day, in whatever weather Washington state decides to grace us with and chops wood, slugs it in and makes me a warm fire because I am ALWAYS cold. He then has to make numerous trips back outside in the weather all night to make sure I stay warm. He is not out just picking up fistfuls of dirt and throwing it on the floor. He is doing something thoughtful for me and in the end some dirt tracks in behind him. I could get angry that he didn’t dust bust behind his tracks when the fire was made, however, I believe we are a team. I help him find the milk, clean up little spills, vacuum/sweep/mop all 1800 square feet of hardwood floors in my house; in exchange he chops wood, cleans the garage, mows the yard, changes tires, takes the dogs out, and many other tasks that make me thankful to be a girl so that my name does not get assigned to them.
I understand that there were years of oppression and it was not only unfair but it was disgusting; and I realize that we needed to change that so perhaps an extreme was necessary for a time. I am just thinking that perhaps we have swung too far the other way and it just makes for a lot of anger and resentment that maybe does not have to be. I was raised by my Grandma, a typical 50′s housewife who somehow managed to go to school, work, raise 4 kids, and still have a tidy house and dinner on the table by 5:00. I don’t think that is healthy either. Extremes don’t seem to work very well and I think that it would be really great to see, in my lifetime, the pendulum hang more in the middle where teamwork is achieved, and we spend more time loving each other and less time being angry over (wait for it) spilled milk.
Beth – Thank you so much for reading, and I will admit as well, (perhaps I have the spy cam as well) that I watch, on occasion, Everybody Loves Raymond as well. I have even been known to laugh at it. I just sometimes wish that he would spend less time in trouble and she would spend less time yelling. I understand it is written by his comedy, and that he is just making a huge mockery of the stereotype…and that it must be my ridiculous fear of conflict that has me reaching for the remote – BUT really…please stop yelling.
Ian- Thanks!! It is great to be back!
Thursday, November 19, 2009 at 10:49 pm
I take a different approach here. While your heart, more than anything else on this “page,” is what stands out, and I, as a husband of a decade and a half, appreciate the thoughtfulness, there is a looming beast in the corners of my mind that we, white males, are not the victims of this little myth, but, along with most of these issues, we are the villians. I hate to say that about, well, me, but the fact is that men can take this, “you silly men, you are so dirty, you need help cleaning the floor,” because is is a cute weakness. This allows us to turn back and shrug our shoulders with a goofy 60′s sitcom smile and go about running the world. You see, it is fine for us, the powerful, to tell the meek that they clean the house better, but cannot serve in war, make big decisions, be trusted to drive at night, et al. This is not an insult to men at all, we did not want to clean the house anyway. Remember that white men have been ruling the world for a long time and we are very good at maintaining our spot. These myths do not come about with our approval, and dare I say, the pen in our own hand.
Man, would i love to be the victim just once, but this mess on my hands does not easy come off.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Frank, thank you so much for your comment. I really had to read and think about this prior to replying to make sure that I was really understanding what you were saying. I really do appreciate your reply and you being willing to “fess up” shows great character. To address your comment; I do understand that when my husband says “you clean the floor better/unpack the groceries better/name that activity that he does not want to do, better” that he is just trying to get out of it as he really does not want to do it anyways. It is the same reply I give him when it comes to chopping wood, changing oil, changing head lights, taking the dogs out, changing light bulbs in the house…the list goes on (and on and on if I were really truthful). I guess the larger point of my article was that I think that couples as a whole are missing the joy they could experience as a team by trying to force each other to do activities that neither want to do by slinging sarcasm and snyde jabs in hopes to achieve their goal. I, for sure, don’t have it all figured out and often get caught up in a battle of the wills. But when we just take a breath and come together as a team things just seem to work. I guess that was the point I was trying to make.
Thank you again for your reply. It really did make me think.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Great article. I definately feel the same way. I myself have a wonderful husband who cared for me, our son, our finances, and the household for years while I was struggling with health problems and severe daily panic attacks. He stuck by me the whole time, when he could have just given up and walked out. He was definately overwhelmed, but he took charge and took care of his family.
I only wish I would have shown more appreciation for everything he did, during that time. He knows now how much I admire him for it and appreciate it, but he felt quite lonely during that time.
He’s made me realize how it’s not just women who have to deal with stereotypes and unappreciation. Apparently, many men feel that they’re viewed simply as animals who are lacking in true emotions. My husband even has a mother who daily tried to convince him that he would never become a decent human being because he was born male…and she still tries to convince him of this. Fortunately, I’m helping him realize that none of what she told him is true. Men aren’t destined to be cheating, selfish, sloppy, moronic, abusive pigs. But if they’re being fed that from a young age, they might grow to believe that.
If us women truly want equality, we need to be sure to not just focus on the stereotypes that women suffer with, but the ones men face as well. We’re all in this together.