Living More Intentionally

photo © 2009 Jo Ann Deasy | more info (via: Wylio)
When I was in my early twenties, my good friend (and The Broken Telegraph’s own) Brian Robinson used to assure me that I’d need a personal organizer when I got older. He had his own at the time, and it was thick and professional looking. I used to roll my eyes and tease him for being too forgetful and rigid when it came to keeping track of all of that, and then I’d remind him that I, by contrast, had everything “to do” stored right up in my mind.

But since then, adult life has begun and it’s only confirmed Brian’s prediction. With the amount of managing that goes with marriage and parenting I can’t imagine being without a personal organizer (don’t worry- there is no huge leather-bound book with tabs in my possession. Google mail and calendar work perfectly). But sorting life doesn’t necessarily mean living it well. Marriage makes time even more sparse and parenthood makes it a precious commodity. What about all of the interests and needs that exist because of, and in addition to, adult or family life?

My wife and I became full-time parents a couple of months back and it’s been the most incredible blessing. Of course with that, every parent knows the commitments and requirements that go into living as consistent, loving parents. Just recently, we both reached the same point of frustration, and that was because we saw that weeks were passing by without any sense of personal time or quality time for our marriage. It was success at parenting while abandoning everything else, and while we had several reasons for being deliberately tilted towards parenting first and in an immersive way, we also knew that long-term success would have to include some place for other goals as well.

So instead of holding onto a bit of frustration, we sat down and talked about realistic weekly goals that we had for our family, marriage and ourselves. There was no incentive to put us against unattainable standards, so we instead came up with a short list of minimum weekly goals that we had for family and couple time. Then, despite how rigid it initially felt, we made a spreadsheet chart of those things, and it now hangs on our fridge.

The chart lists things like our goals for  organized family time, reading with our daughter (at least 5 times a week), watching TV (no more than 3 nights a week) and something that has really helped my wife and I stay connected- hanging out (with no TV) at least three nights a week, whether that’s reading , casual time-passing, talking together or doing even more interactive activities together. Once one of these goals gets accomplished we check it off.

We were both concerned that putting these kinds of personal goals in writing would feel way too regimented and would take the spontaneity and authenticity out of life, but we’ve been pleasantly surprised by the results.  It’s been a great help and a particular relief being able to see how we’re progressing in the middle of any given week in regards to our goals, and it’s been shockingly doable while balancing with other responsibilities.  For me, there is something about writing things down, whether its things to get done or a list of people I’ve been meaning to see. I find that I start moving towards these things once they’re committed to paper (or screen). While it’s a given that many weeks will have setbacks and not be ideal, for me this chart feels like how I excercise- I’d rather have weekly goals and know why I occasionally missed them rather than have no goals and never try because “things will always be busy.” If nothing else, this chart gives us a baseline or point of reference to grow from, so we can tailor it as our needs, hopes and expectations change.

Whether as a parent, spouse or just a person, I hope to keep learning, and am grateful for tips and advice. So, how about you? How are you attempting (and hopefully succeeding at)  living intentionally? What are the greatest challenges to your productivity or creativity and how are you overcoming them?