My Life Has a Purpose. Now How Do I Find It?
I’m 31 years old, and, although maybe the time has come to start hiding this information, I feel no need to. In fact I am pretty danged proud of myself for making it this far. See from the moment I appeared on this crazy, hectic, “Lord only knows what is going to happen next” planet things have been just a hair past crazy, and yet I am still here to talk about it.
These 31 years have been filled with extreme joy and extreme sadness. The road has been bumpy and with unexpected turns and twists. But I am thankful to be here and thankful for the life God has led me through thus far. However, as I sit in my tidy little suburban home (husband, two dogs, two sensible cars, good job) enjoying my normal life, I often wonder why. Why have I been through everything if the journey has led me to complacency?
My problem is not with my past. It is not with any of the roads I have been down, or any of the things I have seen. I am not upset or bitter for a childhood that could have had more “Mary Poppins” and less “Married with Children.” The journey is not where my problems lies, unless this journey leads to nowhere.
I often find myself getting sick on the inside when I think about another girl out there that might be living my same story, alone, and I’m not there to help her through it. But I’m too busy working my 9-5, collecting my paycheck, planning dinners and taking care of my family. I’m scheduling nights out with friends, budgeting for shopping trips and trying to fit in hair appointments.
Quite frankly when I look at that life it makes me angry. Not because it is not a good life but because that life has no meaning. Sure, I have a happy husband and a clean house, I have cute clothes and good friends; yet at the end of the day that does nothing for the barrage of “what if’s” that play over and over in my head.
The thoughts persist. What if there is a girl, right now, who is crying in her bedroom, alone, cutting her skin because it is the only way she knows how to dull the pain on the inside. What if that same girl feels so ashamed of the marks on her skin that she wears long sleeves and makes up stories as to why the scars are there because she is told (and she knows) that only weird girls do that and no one will understand? What if she thinks no one loves her, and that no one ever will? What if she is crying because she has not had anyone hug her recently? What if it’s been way too long since someone reminded her that she is good and worthwhile?
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On the contrary, what if she has heard that she is horrible; that she might never get it right? What if she prays every. single. night. that God will just love her enough to take her to Heaven. What if that girl cries herself to sleep most nights and wonders if there is anyone out there that could ever understand? What if in her sadness she turns to the wrong kind of “love”? What if that choice results in this girl getting pregnant? What if this girl has no idea how to handle being pregnant because she can’t even handle her own life at the moment? What if this girl ends up on a table, all by herself, believing she will go to Hell, but knows no other way to solve her problem and is again left in a shame-filled state that leaves her crying and alone? WHAT IF?
This is just a taste of the horrific “what if” scenarios that play out in my brain, because I was that girl and I long to help. I long to be the person that understands. I long to be the person to hug her, to tell her she is beautiful and to tell her that she is worthy of love just because she breathes. I want to tell her that she does not need to feel shame, ever. I want to educate her on a God that loves her; a God that forgives her and moreover a God that accepts her right. where. she. is.
My question is, how do I find this girl? How do I help?
My journey is worth every single tear if I can help spare the tears of someone else, at least that is how it plays out in my head. I just currently feel helpless.
How did you find your purpose in life? How did you find your avenue to help?
Have you experienced things in your life that have allowed you to help others in similar situations? Or maybe you are the girl I talked about.
Either way, I’d love to hear your stories.
Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Tiffany, I was very touched by your post and your quest to find a purpose. You obviously have a very big heart. While I cannot tell you how to find the girl you describe, I can suggest a way to find organizations who help girls in distress. Check out http://www.volunteermatch.org and type in the key words that best fit what you are looking for.
I blog about discovering one’s purpose and living a more meaningful and fulfilling life. You might find some of the posts helpful and insightful. I’d love your reaction and your readers may find it thought-provoking as well. You can read it at: http://findfulfillflourish.wordpress.com .
I wish you the best as you seek a purpose that is meaningful for you,
Steve
Friday, September 24, 2010 at 10:26 am
Steve~ Thank you so much for your informational reply. I will check out the volunteer match website. I will also jump over and check out your blog. Thank you so much for leaving the link. I’m excited to read your insight.
Friday, September 24, 2010 at 7:51 am
Tiff,
I understand your frustration and helplessness. I too have often wondered when God will use my pain to help others. But, sometimes it seems like God will use it in little bite size pieces. Maybe it will be a simple conversation with a friend, or smile you give a stranger, or a hug you give a loved one. I think that each day is a living testimony of faith and not giving up. It’s the little things that count sometimes. I believe whole heartedly that you will have an amazing future and God will use every single experience you’ve gone through to help others. I am promising you that, because I believe God is going to do the same for me. I long for that life as well. I get frustrated when I don’t see it happening.
Suggestion? I have been trying to find ways I can give back. Volunteering can be life changing, not only for you, but for others. I’ve noticed in the past when I’m giving to others, God definately shows up and works miracles in people. Your honesty is what will prevail.
Thanks for sharing all of this. I know we’ve had many conversations about our similarities in life, so I won’t go into the details. Just know that you have a friend in me.. and you will find your ultimate purpose in God’s perfect, perfect timing. I am so happy you are searching for it. He will bless that.
Love you.
Friday, September 24, 2010 at 10:29 am
Unique~ Thank you for reminding me of the little things. I always think that in order to make a difference I need to absolutely change. someone’s. life. However, a smile that brightens a day, or a hug that makes someone feel better could be all that God wants me to do for now. It is just sometimes frustrating (as I know you know) feeling like I could be used so much more, and yet, maybe it is not time.
I can’t wait to see where our experiences take us and I am excited that we are both going through this journey together.
Love YOU!
Friday, September 24, 2010 at 7:55 am
Tiffany,
Another well written and vulnerable post! Here are my random thoughts:
1. I have been wrecked lately with one phrase – “Is the American dream Biblical?”
2. “That girl” is in every high school around. After working with high school students for 7 years as a teacher and youth director, I found that there wasn’t a year that I didn’t have at least a few students with some of those same struggles…usually more. I would argue that the same is probably said of junior high students.
3. I learned long ago that the struggles, pain, and deep woundings that we go through are often God’s tool in the future to bring hope and healing to others. Remember, there are many people out there that are feeling the emotions you have felt, even if the situation isn’t exactly the same. There can be a woman/girl/person that feels deep shame, and you can relate to that emotion and pain, even if the reasons for feeling the shame are different.
4. Keep being vulnerable and willing. Pray daily that God will give you the eyes to see, the ears to hear, and the words to speak. If you are actively looking and listening to where you can join God in His work, where you can offer comfort, where you can serve, He will bring the right people into your life that your story will resonate with on a deep level.
5. I am 31 also sometimes wonder what my purpose is. When I was interviewing for jobs last March, a local Christian company asked me in my second round of the application process to send my personal faith journey and my personal mission statement. I hadn’t written a mission statement since college, and if I was honest didn’t put much thought into it back then. Although I didn’t end up getting the position, I firmly believe that God provided that time for me to really align my heart and mind with what I wanted to “be about” each day. It has driven some bold choices I have made, allows me a way to take my pulse each day/week, and has given me some structure to my purpose in life (besides of course living as a follower of Jesus).
6. You are making a difference by sharing your story on here. You never know who is reading, even if they don’t comment, that needs to hear what you share. Keep being faithful!
Friday, September 24, 2010 at 10:41 am
Janice~
I took something very valuable away from each point you made.
Your thoughtful reply means so much to me. Thank you for sharing your “random” thoughts.
I can only imagine the pain and heartache that lives in Jr. High and Highschool girls these days. It breaks my heart to think of the sadness that they go through. It’s just such a lonely age as there are just some things that you feel you can’t go to your parents with. I pray for those girls frequently.
Also, your story of writing your “mission statement” and how it lead you to a place of more structure and purpose, was amazing and very inspirational. Thank you, again, so very much for sharing.
Friday, September 24, 2010 at 12:50 pm
Eph 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, “which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.”
Phil 2:13 For it is God which worketh in you both “to will and to do of his good pleasure.”
The desires you have are given to you by Him. In the mean time, your doing exactly what it is your to be doing.
Friday, September 24, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Thank you Lamont. It is hard sometimes to shake the feeling of impatience that I have, but I guess my timing is not always (or most often not) his timing, right?
Patience will always be something I need more of.
These verses are great. Thank you for taking the time to share them.
Friday, September 24, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Not sure if you’ve heard of this organization, but when I read the story of how it began it moved me. To Write Love On Her Arms -http://www.twloha.com/vision/
I had a friend growing up who was a “cutter” and I felt helpless when all I could do was talk to her and try to make her feel better.
Your life does have meaning no matter how insignificant you may think.
Friday, September 24, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Aaron I had not heard of this organization, but now I want to know everything there is to know and I want everyone else to know about it as well. The story of how it began was incredibly moving and refreshingly different from other “how we helped” stories I have heard. I am moved by their love. Thank you so much for sharing this with me.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope that she has found the love and help she needed to be able to deal with pain in another way. However, as helpless as you may have felt I think that listening and loving are the only ways to truly help someone who hurts so bad that the only way they know how to process that hurt is to inflict pain on the outside of their body, because for what ever weird, sick reason it seems to dull what is going on on the inside. I use the analogy of slapping your skin to take off a band aid. It gives your brain something else to focus on. It sounds like you did what you should have in that situation and I truly hope that she has found healing.
Thank you for such a heart felt comment Aaron.
Monday, September 27, 2010 at 10:29 am
Another amazing, honest post Tiffany, and really great feedback from everyone. I just wanted to remind you that, although you may not be “doing” something right this minute that directly helps someone in need, your journey has made you who you are, and that in itself is a testimony and a tremendous blessing to anyone who comes into contact with you, each and every day. Your honesty, quest for truth, your capacity for compassion and love, these things come from your experiences, and they bless others, probably, way more than you even know.
Love you, kin.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010 at 11:45 am
Wow. Thank you cousin. Thank you for that reminder that I don’t have to change the world to impact a life. I forget that a lot.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010 at 9:02 am
You asked:
My question is, how do I find this girl? How do I help?
Have you experienced things in your life that have allowed you to help others in similar situations? Or maybe you are the girl I talked about.
What helped me help others at a particular time in my life was to work on an all-volunteer suicide hotline. It’s not the work I’d recommend to everyone — it can be extremely difficult and emotional. But it taught me lessons I am still using and exploring. Lessons about choices, consequences, options, and judgment.
You also asked:
How did you find your purpose in life? How did you find your avenue to help?
I have no idea how typical this is, but I ‘found’ my purpose by being hit upside the head by the (as I call it) “Cosmic 2×4″ ™. I wasn’t looking and had no time to duck.
So now I find myself knowing what I am supposed to do — at least for now — and going about doing it.
I really like the idea of writing out your personal mission statement. I encourage you to not see it as something written in stone, and to feel free to alter it next week. The process of developing it will lead you to greater insight as to what you want to do.
Thursday, September 30, 2010 at 11:23 am
Lisa I have come to look forward to your comments on my posts. Thank you so much for this one.
I read a post on another blog that I recently started following (Karen Spears Zacharias – http://www.patheos.com/community/karenspearszacharias/) and the ending line absolutely floored me. It said “I pray I will see you in hell. They need us there.”
Suicide prevention hotlines, the streets, hospitals, drug houses, dark alleys, the “ugly” of this world, “Hell”…that is where I want to go, because that is where I think I can help. I think they all could use a little love and I believe I have some to give.
I absolutely love your analogy of the “Cosmic 2X4″, and I love that it hit you (beings that it is a figurative 2X4, of course) and that you are able to live out your purpose. I’d love to hear more about what you are doing and also what you have done (i.e. suicide prevention hotline), and thank you again for the inspiring comment that has left me with a lot to think about.