Photo credit: flickr/sklathill
They say that tragedy can do two things to a marriage; it can bring you closer together or it can drive you completely apart. I’m here to share with you the silver lining in the heartbreak that recently rocked my marriage. I’m here to show you how it brought us closer than I ever thought it could.
Last month I shared with you that we lost our baby. I talked about my pain and my complete sadness. Now I’m back, to talk with you about what I have found to be the bright spot in all of this.
See, I’m a “find the reason” kind of girl. I have to. It feels like it drives me completely insane if I sit back and try to believe that something happened merely by chance and because life is often unfair.
This time was hard. I felt like God was just testing my strength. Just seeing how far he could push me, to see if I would stay faithful; and out of spite, I frequently thought of turning from Him. A defiant way of letting Him know that I was too weak for this. I believed God was wrong, I could not take any more.
Then one day, while I was driving to work, it hit me. I remembered a prayer I had prayed on that exact stretch of road roughly two months before that. I felt like my marriage was in a rut.
Not the kind of rut that makes you draft up divorce papers or anything crazy like that – just the rut of routine. The rut of “I can tell you how our next 28 nights will be spent, because it is how our last 28 nights have been spent” kind of a rut. We were King and Queen of the come home, eat dinner, watch TV and fall asleep routine. We weren’t fighting, we weren’t angry…we just were.
Some days the mundane felt worse than if we were to just throw down and have the kind of fight the neighbors would have to drown out with their music. It felt like we were too tired for any type of emotion.
I prayed again.
I prayed that somehow, in some way God would find a way to renew that crazy intense spark that we once had for each other. That spark that made me fall in love with my husband despite my best attempts not to.
I prayed, and God answered.
He allowed our hearts, the ones that had grown complacent, to break right in half. He allowed us to be stripped, right down to our core, so the only thing we could cling to was each other.
Dave held me up, every day, when all I could do was cry. He was strong for me in ways I can’t even describe to you. He helped me continue on and put one foot in front of the other when hiding from life seemed to be the only place that proved save.
His strength showed me again why I fell head over heals in love with this man six years ago.
Conversely I watched this man break right along with me when we saw flat lines where a heat beat should be. I saw that this little life grabbed a piece of its daddy’s heart and took it right up to heaven with it. Dave loved this baby, the second we knew it was a baby and it was proven to me in the way I watched him grieve for it.
In watching that, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God chose well for me. This man, my husband, is going to be the best father and I’m so blessed to know that it is my children he will be fathering.
This experience has wrecked both of us. But we recognize the silver lining.
Do I believe God took our baby to answer this prayer? No. I don’t serve that kind of God.
I believe he took a horrible situation and used it to answer my prayer, and truly I am thankful for that.
How has tragedy influenced your relationships? Has heartbreak made you closer to those around you or has it driven you apart? It effects everyone differently and I’d love to know your story.