“You know the next commandment pretty well, too: ‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices – they also corrupt.” -Jesus, as recorded in Matthew 5:27-28, The Message translation
He is still troubled, still angry at his dad. The man sits alone, thinking back on things.
“What I remember dad is you bragging about having a threesome in your past and how awesome it was. You told us with a huge stupid grin on your face, right in front on mom and everyone else.”
He’s still protective of his mom.
“I remember you checking out women while we were on vacation. You thought you were fooling us by wearing sunglasses. You never noticed because you weren’t paying attention to her, but your little act made mom feel invisible. She would stay on her stomach in those long chairs by the pool for hours and it had nothing to do with getting a tan. She was too embarrassed to walk back to the room with tears streaming down her face. Your marriage certificate and the fact that you and mom never divorced might get you applause and credibility on Sunday mornings, but you’re not fooling me.”
He’s becoming afraid.
“My own sexuality is a mess, and it’s not all your fault. I’ve created my mistakes. Watching porn made those mistakes easier to make. But somehow this heightened sexual appetite is generational. It’s like I watched you rehearse all of those bad habits just before handing them over to me.
Someday I want to get married and I fear that I’m becoming just like you. Someday I might have a son, and if I do, I don’t want him looking at me the way I see you. I watched you try to conquer your appetite and it never worked. You just fed it from time to time by being James Bond in your own mind. I’m not much better. I put on a smile and try to hold it together, but like an infection, my sexual dysfunction is spreading through my soul. I can feel it.”
And he is opening up to the God he used to mock.
“I’ve heard it said by those Christians you hang around who often act like Stepford Wives with their glassy eyes and stiff never-ending smiles. They say that God blesses, he heals, and he satisfies. I find them annoying, but nothing else works. It’s a poor reason to open one’s self up to God, as a last resort in a long line of failed options, but it’s my reason. I hope I’ll be forgiven for showing up late. I hope I’ll be welcomed after all of the damage I’ve done. Those Christians who often act like Stepford Wives tell me God always forgives a repentant heart. I find them annoying, but I’m also hoping they’re right.”
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